I always loved skincare. I had really great skin until 2003 when I was living in Hawaii working towards my BA in Psychology. It was a stressful time in my life and my skin and hair did not do well in the humid climate. To my utter horror (I was very dramatic back then) I experienced acne and the emotional rollercoaster that goes along with it. I felt so ashamed of my face and I would try to cover it with a mask of foundation that ultimately led to more and more breakouts.
I was not mentally prepared for the plethora of emotions that came up because of it. In general, I had experienced breakouts on my face but this acne was different. There were layers of acne that were extremely painful and it kept spreading out and getting worse as time was going on. Acne took an emotional toll on my self-esteem. All I would see when I looked in the mirror was a plethora of red marks that kept getting worse and worse and it felt devastating.
I became stuck in a horrific cycle of self-hatred and self-loathing, all because I had some red dots on my face. Every time I looked into the mirror I saw the reflection of someone that was utterly flawed. I felt defeated.
There was one night in particular, when I was home alone, too embarrassed to show my face in public (literally) when I had a moment of clarity. I was looking at myself in the mirror and feeling complete shame for what I saw reflecting back to me. I felt self-hatred towards my body for doing this to me and for “ruining” my life (like I said, I was super dramatic). I was full of self-pity and I was mastering the victim mentality of “Why is this happening to me?” Acne has an ability to send people into self-depreciating cycles of despair. I was falling perfectly into that cycle and I had no idea as to how I was going to get myself out of it.
Yet, I knew that other people also suffered from acne and that surely there was a solution even though I had no idea as to what that solution would be.
That evening, as I sat alone and looked at the sad face in the mirror reflecting back to me, I made myself a promise. I knew I was not alone in my struggles and that surely solutions existed. I resolved that night to fix my skin and share all of my knowledge with others. Healing my skin and my fragile ego didn’t happen overnight. I still work on myself constantly and tweak my opinions as new information is uncovered.
This experience was just one of the many that led me to the path I am on now. My path keeps changing and weaving but my passion will always be centered towards understanding our skin and what is truly ideal for it.
I reflect on this now because a lot of people are experiencing a similar situation to mine. I am creating a space where people can come in person or online to get the help and education necessary to turn things around without having to go down countless roads to nowhere.